So I am currently a few days shy of being 38 weeks along! Crazy! Baby and I are doing really well! I am surprised how much I can handle at this point! I actually forget that I am pregnant sometimes... I will be meeting with someone or randomly run into someone I know and they oh-ah over my belly and I am taken off guard and remember... oh yes... I am much bigger than I usually am!! :-)
My biggest struggle right now is my mind. It is constantly racing with all the things that are coming my way and all the things that I need to get done... soon! I am pretty sure I am never in a deep sleep and that I am constantly dreaming because I wake up flooded with thoughts again as I start my day! Praise God that he is training my body now for interrupted sleep schedule! It is pretty amazing if you ask me how much your body naturally prepares for birth and motherhood!
Even deeper into what I am struggling with, beyond the fact of my mind, I struggle to surrender something very precious to God...
....Time!
I am fighting off my fear of time passing. I go on Facebook, talk to a friend, or even just look around me and I am reminded how fast time goes.
I have been asked a lot lately, "So are you just so ready for this baby to come!?" And since being done with work I can confidently say, "No... I am not!" Do I long to hold her and gaze at her and talk to her? Well of course! But am I ready to start a journey where you watch someone gain more and more independence from you as the days pass... No! NO! NO!
Yesterday I was walking and listening to a sermon by Pastor Colin Smith. To be honest, I do not even remember what the sermon was about. One thing I do remember is him talking about eternity and how it is not something that we will watch pass away but it will be... eternity! I am not really sure why or how... but God really used this to convict me of my current struggle. I am struggling so hard to hold onto the time on this earth and freaking out about how fast it is going and much worse how fast it will go that I am forfeiting my opportunity to experience joy today! For the first time God opened my eyes to see how sinful I was being. If my eyes were set upon my King and if my heart was seeking him and my life living for him... I would not be consumed with the passing of time! Instead, I would be taking each day to praise his holy name and thank him for the grace to experience the joy we are able to experience in him and also being one day closer to spending eternity with him! In eternity the passing of time will never be a concern and there will be no fear of time or aging or missing out on the joy for the day because we will be surrounded by the glory of the LORD forever and ever! May I allow God's glory to comfort me and sustain me each day! May I seek him and fix my eyes on HIM, that my eyes may be turned away from the things of this world and its offerings in order to experience the JOY God has for me... today!
Thank you LORD for revealing in me the area in my life where I am not surrendering complete control to you! Thank you LORD that I can go even further to say you not only reveal the area but you sanctify it that I may be the pure bride you desire me to be! I pray that as I enter a new stage of life that I move from the mourning to embracing of what you have each day for me as a wife and a mother. May I embrace the good and exciting days as well as the bad and stressful days! May I not let ANY moment that I have with this little girl be taken for granted as a result of focusing on how "fast" or "slow" things seem to be! When the nights are long... may I praise you! When the days are short and fleeting... may I praise you! When she grows and learns more and more how to operate on her own... may I praise you! You have given me an opportunity here... to watch another life grow GROW GROW... yes maybe too fast... but to have a better view of who YOU are as a result of watching and observing the life of a child! Amen
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Less Than A Month/Four Weeks To Go!!
So it has been a long time since I have posted anything!! My apologies! To be honest I have been in complete survival mode the past month! Last week was my last week working and so now I feel like I am finally able to rest and prepare for Baby Girls arrival! My goal each day was to just get through the day! It made for the passing of time to be quite miserable! I do not miss having to bend over all the time. I do not miss having to push around a heavy brute barrel. I do not miss cleaning toilets or mopping or vacuuming. I definitely do not miss unloading 3-5 dishwashers a night! I do not miss doing 2-3 loads of laundry a week either...
I have really enjoyed taking this week to serve my husband by staying on top of laundry and meals! Especially since Andy came down with a pretty nasty flu/cold! So be praying for him as he fights this off and as I try to avoid this nasty sickness. We need to be at our best for when baby decides to come!! Anyways, it has been so nice to finally be able to spend time with Andy again and really enjoy this time that we have together before the baby comes! He was hunting for the past two weeks (Thurs-Sun) and so I am glad that is behind us! It stressed me out to have him away as you really never know when I will go into labor. I highly doubt we will go early but thinking of him up in deer stand, 2 hours away, with not the best of phone service... really made me wonder what I would do if I did go early! So now he is on lock-down :-)
So... how am I doing? Well I am hanging in there! I can definitely tell my body is preparing itself for what is ahead! My joints are not what they were two weeks ago... even to open a door can be painful sometimes... It is funny because as soon as I was done with work I have felt a lot more pressure in my lower abdomen and am having to go to the bathroom a lot more! So it will be interesting to hear at my next appointment whether I have dropped or not. I feel like I am doing a lot better emotionally now that I am done with work. We will see if that continues... but I just feel like I can finally relax and ENJOY being pregnant for the first time! I am not having to worry about whether I am overdoing it like I did when I was working.
Starting next Tuesday, I will begin to see my midwife every week! I have started to see a different midwife than I did most of my pregnancy and have been thrilled with this new one! She is very informative and I feel so very comfortable with her! Andy and I did not take any birthing classes so I sometimes felt so unprepared... but with my midwife, Angela, I feel so much more comfortable with the whole idea of labor and delivery! I am praying that all goes well and that the LORD will enable me to be able to do a water birth!! The waivers are signed and the tests have been done and I am set to go as far as that goes... but if I go too late or if for some reason something pops into the picture that could be risky... then I will not be able to go through with the water birth! I really hope to do this all natural! So a water birth would be a great way to alleviate some of the pain! I am getting excited to experience birth... I know it is going to be painful... the bible is very clear about that!
Genesis 3:16
To the woman he said,
"I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for your husband,
and he shall rule over you."
But I know that the pain is what brings me closer and closer to meeting my daughter!
I have been reading a book called "Your Best Birth" by Ricki Lake & Abby Epstein and have been learning a lot!! It just goes through what birthing entails and what my options are and also gives you the pros and cons to doctors vs midwives, c-sections, and overall just lays out the facts and puts you in a better place to really take back what birthing is all about! It talks about how America has really made child birthing to be looked at as a risky and medicalized business. Child birthing has become so driven by the fear of pain. This book is to remind people that birthing is an experience that should not be driven by pain and medical intervention but by the mother doing what her body is telling her to do. This book does not discourage people from the medical options! It is just reminding you that in most pregnancies you do not NEED it!
This is me at 34 weeks...
And me at 36 weeks!
I have really enjoyed taking this week to serve my husband by staying on top of laundry and meals! Especially since Andy came down with a pretty nasty flu/cold! So be praying for him as he fights this off and as I try to avoid this nasty sickness. We need to be at our best for when baby decides to come!! Anyways, it has been so nice to finally be able to spend time with Andy again and really enjoy this time that we have together before the baby comes! He was hunting for the past two weeks (Thurs-Sun) and so I am glad that is behind us! It stressed me out to have him away as you really never know when I will go into labor. I highly doubt we will go early but thinking of him up in deer stand, 2 hours away, with not the best of phone service... really made me wonder what I would do if I did go early! So now he is on lock-down :-)
So... how am I doing? Well I am hanging in there! I can definitely tell my body is preparing itself for what is ahead! My joints are not what they were two weeks ago... even to open a door can be painful sometimes... It is funny because as soon as I was done with work I have felt a lot more pressure in my lower abdomen and am having to go to the bathroom a lot more! So it will be interesting to hear at my next appointment whether I have dropped or not. I feel like I am doing a lot better emotionally now that I am done with work. We will see if that continues... but I just feel like I can finally relax and ENJOY being pregnant for the first time! I am not having to worry about whether I am overdoing it like I did when I was working.
Starting next Tuesday, I will begin to see my midwife every week! I have started to see a different midwife than I did most of my pregnancy and have been thrilled with this new one! She is very informative and I feel so very comfortable with her! Andy and I did not take any birthing classes so I sometimes felt so unprepared... but with my midwife, Angela, I feel so much more comfortable with the whole idea of labor and delivery! I am praying that all goes well and that the LORD will enable me to be able to do a water birth!! The waivers are signed and the tests have been done and I am set to go as far as that goes... but if I go too late or if for some reason something pops into the picture that could be risky... then I will not be able to go through with the water birth! I really hope to do this all natural! So a water birth would be a great way to alleviate some of the pain! I am getting excited to experience birth... I know it is going to be painful... the bible is very clear about that!
Genesis 3:16
To the woman he said,
"I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for your husband,
and he shall rule over you."
But I know that the pain is what brings me closer and closer to meeting my daughter!
I have been reading a book called "Your Best Birth" by Ricki Lake & Abby Epstein and have been learning a lot!! It just goes through what birthing entails and what my options are and also gives you the pros and cons to doctors vs midwives, c-sections, and overall just lays out the facts and puts you in a better place to really take back what birthing is all about! It talks about how America has really made child birthing to be looked at as a risky and medicalized business. Child birthing has become so driven by the fear of pain. This book is to remind people that birthing is an experience that should not be driven by pain and medical intervention but by the mother doing what her body is telling her to do. This book does not discourage people from the medical options! It is just reminding you that in most pregnancies you do not NEED it!
This is me at 34 weeks...
And me at 36 weeks!
I ask that you be praying for Andy and I in the weeks to come, as my body prepares to bring this little girl into this world. Be praying that if it is in the Lord's will, that I would be able to do a water birth but overall just for a smooth delivery! Most importantly, be praying for Andy as he will be my source of encouragement and supporter through the whole thing! I just praise the Lord that HE is the DELIVERER! He is the SUSTAINER through all of this! May I keep my eyes on HIM through it all!
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