His Way Is Perfect

    So, I can FINALLY come out and say what has been on my heart the past month and a half. I am going to be a MOMMY!!! I am currently around 10 weeks along and Monday we went in for our first appointment! It was quite the adventure, let me to you!! I did not expect to go in and have a pap smear done, but that was one of the MANY things that was done at the appointment. I also had blood taken.. I know that is standard, but I just have to tell you it was traumatizing for me. I sat there while the lab tech took tubes and tubes of blood and I tried SO hard to hold it together... She asked me, "Are you feeling okay... you look a little green..?" I explained to her that I do not do so well with blood taken because of one bad experience. I was having cold sensations through my whole body and breaking a sweat.. She gave me a juice box and once I got up... there was a nice big wet butt mark on the chair. Oh boy...One sweaty mess walking out of there... but most importantly, and the point of this whole post is, we heard the HEARTBEAT :-) but no ultrasound :-( Not for another 10 weeks or so...
     But what a sweet sweet sound that is! I am sure all you mothers out there know EXACTLY what I am talking about!! After weeks and WEEKS of wondering if this is all real... it was nice to see evidence. I just have to say... I NEVER realized how much pregnancy is a faith thing.. It takes A LOT of faith to be pregnant. You have trust there is something there, that God is sustaining that life... you don't see the baby until its born.. so the whole time throughout your pregnancy you have to just TRUST that it is there. Now I know once I start showing and feeling the baby... it will not be as big of a faith thing.. but still! You can do very little to protect your little one.. at least that is how I have been feeling. So I do have to say that this stage in my life (pregnancy) has taken more of resting in the promises than any other stage in my life!


This is a journal entry that I wrote weeks ago about how we went about finding out and the Lord's leading in this:

What a crazy last few weeks for Andy and I! We just found out Saturday February 26th, that we will be expecting our first child!!! Andy and I felt that the Lord was telling us earlier in February that it is time for us to open up the possibility of that for us.. well pretty sure it happened... the day we felt lead.. so this is such a God thing!! Actually, on Monday the 21st I took two pregnancy tests, one came back with a faint line(generic brand) and the other(name brand) came back negative.. It was still early and I had a complete peace about it. I felt the Lord just easing my spirit into Him and trusting his PERFECT timing. Well Friday came around and my lovely husband insisted I try again (like a kid on Christmas morning hehe!) faint line again (generic). So I wrote it off again as a no go.. Andy on the other hand.. All he needed was two tests with a faint line to tell him he was going to be a daddy... but I needed more convincing. So Saturday morning when I woke up I tested right away... instant positive.. I just slowly walked to the bedroom in a daze... and nudged Andy and handed it to him.. Completely enough for him... Me on the other hand... not enough.. STILL.. What is a my problem!!? I told him "I am convinced that this stick is lying!" Now do not get me wrong... I definitely wanted to be pregnant.. but I did not want to get my hopes up in case it was not true. Well I came to terms with it and finally felt the joy that is to be felt when one gets these kinds of results..  :-) ... But Sunday came around... and after a baby shower.. I had to stop at target for ONE LAST TEST... instant positive! :-)

Well, I have to be honest with you all.. it is still a struggle for me.. I really do not have any idea why... Its like.. everyday I want to take another test just to see if it is true! I do not want to experience... the pain of miscarrying.. Time and time again.. from my husband, mom, friends, and grandmother have been instructed that I need to just LET THAT GO!! ENJOY THIS!

The ridiculous thing is... I have the signs... sore chest, some minor cramping, tender abdomen, frequent urination, tired... so why is it I am struggling so much with this.. Do I not trust that I serve a just and faithful God who desires to give good gifts to his children.. And even in those moments when he takes things away from us... it is for OUR good.. but MOST IMPORTANTLY for his Glory! I have been asking people for prayer on this issue.. as well as praying hardcore about it myself.

So for now... The Lord is really putting me through a refining process through patience.. I must wait until April 4^th for our first appointment and hopefully then I will have more peace in believing that there is truly a little baby growing inside me :-) 

On my way to my first prenatal appointment I needed some peace going in there.. So I found myself in Psalm 18. In verses 28-30 I  found that peace I needed. 

 Psalm 18:28-30

For it is you who light my lamp;
   the LORD my God lightens my darkness.
For by you I can run against a troop,
   and by my God I can leap over a wall.
This God—his way is perfect;
   the word of the LORD proves true;
   he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

I went in knowing that whatever the outcome was that the Lord is my LIGHT and that whatever darkness I find myself in.. he will lighten it! With the help of my Father there is no wall that can stand in the way of what he has in store for me.. HIS WAY IS PERFECT and his word is TRUE! In him.. and in him ONLY do I find refuge. Andy and I are very excited for what is in store for us! We praise him for his mercy and his grace as we KNOW that we do not deserve such an amazing blessing! BUT GOD has something he wants to do with this little one in our life and we could not be more thrilled!