18 Weeks! Baby Hentges #2

So today I am 18 weeks with Baby #2! I was struggling with my sin of worry over this little one last week and the Lord has been teaching me SO much about that... I am learning of the power of prayer and the peace of God that results from us laying our burdens before him instead of running around in circles, carrying them ourselves! How foolish we must look when we do that... and as a mother I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be for God to watch us do that when he wants us to lay them down before him so we don't have to carry them!! So after laying my burden down over the state of this child inside me... I have felt baby move every day since 17.5 weeks! Praise the Lord for his faithfulness and his grace when we don't deserve it! Andy even had the blessing of being able to feel baby move from the outside last night and that was just such a special moment for the both of us!!!

Philippians 4:4-7

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The verse that I have been clinging to this week as a result of my husband calling me to look at was is true and keeping me accountable to this verse! So thankful for Andy & his faithfulness to keeping me on the right path!

                                                         

18 Weeks with Baby Hentges #2

Just for comparison & for fun! 18 weeks with Evelyn Grace :-)

Never Leave You Or Forsake You!

The day before I found out I was pregnant, I shared something with by bible study ladies at church that has really been challenging to me throughout my pregnancy, especially lately. I was struggling with my desire to be a mom again! I so desired to know that my body could do what it was intended to do, yet again! We are currently going through "Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone" by Elyse Fitzpatrick and I was convicted of my desire to have more children. Not that it is a sinful thing to have children... but it is sinful to worry about being able to have more children and that it may never happen. It is sinful to think that something else can satisfy my deepest desire besides my Father in Heaven! So I shared with the wonderful ladies that I have the privileged of being a part of, that my idol was my family and my child(ren). I have been so abundantly blessed with this little girl who God has given me to steward! But would I be content enough with the fact that the Lord has made me a mom through Evelyn or was that not enough for me? Was Evelyn not enough for me? And most importantly is God not enough for me? What Jesus accomplished on the cross... was that not enough? It should be... and MORE! Because Lord knows, I especially don't deserve that gift of grace he gave me!

As I hear of some around me losing their babies inside of them, my heart gets crushed and weighted down with emotions I did not know I could feel! I started to find myself worrying about the baby growing inside of me and started to spin into a whirl of panic! Begging God to let me feel baby move to reassure me that baby is safe and sound, flourishing inside of me! I had to remind myself that this behavior, although natural, is not healthy! That I am choosing fear over trust, control over surrender, turmoil over peace. My husband so graciously talked with me and spurred me on to remember who my God is! Asking me...Is he not big enough for you!? Is he not good enough for You!? I cannot so quickly forget that he is ENOUGH! 

As I was running an errand, I was listening to Praise FM and the song "Not For A Moment" by Meredith Andrews came on and I could not sing a line of it without tears pouring down
my face!


You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

You were singing in the dark
Whispering Your promise
Even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
Carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me.

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

And every step every breath you are there
Every tear every cry every prayer
In my heart at my worst
When my world falls down
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Even in the dark
Even when it's hard
You will never leave me
After all

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

This song is such an encouragement to me... that no matter what I am facing, the good and the bad, that my God, my Father in Heaven, is ever-present! Every tear we cry, every breath we take, every heartbeat... he is there.... No matter how bad a situation gets, he will not forsake us! Not even for a MOMENT! What a God we serve!!!

Deuteronomy 31:6"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:8
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed"
Isaiah 55:8
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD."


Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Matthew 28:20
"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age"
1 Chronicles 28:20
“Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished."

As soon as I laid down my burdens at the cross and rested in my Fathers arms, the Lord answered me! He allowed me the grace to feel the baby inside me move... literally as soon as my heart was at peace and I let go of the fear... the Lord showed me his faithfulness! He did not have to and honestly should not have played into my pouting, but he was gracious enough to grant me my desire to feel the child inside me & reassure me that for today, God is sustaining and that tomorrow his mercies are new!

This promise that the Lord has given us, that he will never leave us or forsake us, is all over his word! May we rest in his promises knowing he keeps every single one of them! I know I need the promises of God!! Who doesn't in an age like we are living in... its all we have!!! Go in Peace :-)

Joyful in Hope

          So, It has been a long time since I have posted and it has been gnawing on me for awhile!!! I let life get me so busy and then the end of the day finds me before I know it! Evelyn is a year now! Already almost 13 months! She has been walking for the past month and half and it has made life quite interesting!! She is a busy girl! She is also very observant and at times it freaks me out how much she is soaking up! She will see something on TV that looks like a sign she knows and she will start signing what she thinks they are signing. She does not forget things! She knows where the dog food is located and currently she knows which ornaments on our tree will make noise when mommy is not looking! She is little copy cat too! You laugh, she laughs... you dance, she dances... you growl, she growls. She loves to just study people and figure out how, why, and what they can do! I am seeing more and more that the Lord has blessed her with a teachable spirit and I, as her mother, am starting to feel guilty that I am not nurturing that as much as I can! Her favorite activity right now is reading!! We are reading the same books over... and over... and over again! She also loves climbing stairs over... and over... and over again. 

          Evelyn is definitely keeping me busy... And things are only going to get busier in the Hentges's household because we are expecting Baby Hentges #2 in Mid-June 2013! And what a ride it has been already!! This pregnancy has been a whole lot tougher on me than my pregnancy with Evelyn. There are so many similarities but they just all seem to be heightened!! The nausea from 6 weeks to 10 weeks was pretty difficult! I did not have that so much with Evelyn, just at night, this was ALL DAY! The fatigue has definitely been affecting me more, but I am sure that is because I do not get to sleep like I did with Evelyn! I have also been getting heartburn daily for the past month or so and I do not remember getting that until much later with Evelyn. I am also starting to show a whole lot quicker too, which I know is to be expected! So I have been hanging in there for past couple months! Waiting for the relief to hit and the energy to return and the joy to fill my heart over the anticipation of baby #2.

         I will just be honest with you, I have been struggling with much guilt the last couple months. Guilt as a mom who can't give her daughter the attention and engagement she once could. Guilt as a wife as my drive to cook, clean, laundry, or even be intimate with my husband has been extremely difficult! Guilt over the thoughts and the feelings I have been wrestling with. Those being, whether pregnancy is worth it... all the sick feelings worth it... How could I feel that way over such an amazing, beautiful blessing. How could I even ask myself such a thing!? But I have... often... I have struggled to feel that I am failing my family and my walk with the Lord! If you have been following me for a while you may recall a post I wrote when pregnant with Evelyn how pregnancy is a gift of grace. Well, I am learning a whole new aspect of grace in pregnancy. The first time around it was just about God giving me a gift that I truly did not deserve, a baby, and how it is only by grace that the baby sustains and grows. This time, it is totally about God's grace on me and my inability to do it all! That even when I am struck with complete laziness or just my struggle to be a good wife and mom is completely covered by God's grace.

 2 Corinthians 12:9 

     But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.    

       How wonderful, how beautiful is the grace of God! Not that I can use that as an excuse but God does not reward me or take things from me just solely based on what I do. He is not Santa Clause... He is a sovereign God who loves his children and knows his purpose for them and their life! So it is just very interesting to me what the Lord is teaching me this time around! It is not working through the worry of the little baby growing inside me, but this time it is working through the struggle to sustain and serve my family! 

     This past week our pastor was preaching from John 14:1-3. He was spurring us on to Heaven and our anticipation of it! He stressed the fact that Heaven is not just some altered state of mind or involves us hanging out on the clouds but it is a place! It is our HOME! It will be a new heaven and earth! It is not about mansions and it is definitely not an apartment but it is a place of NO VACANCY! We do not have to worry about one day getting there and not being able enter because there is no room... we will only not enter when we are not reconciled with God. Anyways, how this connected with me was just how often I struggle to anticipate and take hope in the fact that I have a HOME in Heaven with my Savior! How the worries of the world and the darkness around me so often discourage me and where I am at. You get through an election like we just had and it can be hard to keep our head up. I found myself relating that with this current pregnancy. I have struggled to see the bigger picture, that it will be worth it! That the Lord has a plan in this!! I so often forget about the glory of Heaven and it being full of joy and splendor  I must be forgetting the little piece of heaven a newborn brings. Don't get me wrong I am excited to be able to welcome a new little one into this world! I know the Lord has a great plan in store for our family and for this little one's life! I do not wish I could change a thing!! Other than my lack-of-better-terms, poor attitude :-) The Lord has been so GOOD to Andy & I and we are truly, TRULY blessed! 

Please pray for me, that this pregnancy would be used for the glory of God! That I would take joy in all that he is doing around me and inside of me! That I would be able to serve my family as God so desire and that I will take time to glean in the LORD first and foremost!! Especially to praise and glean in the Lord with my little girl!! That her heart would too take joy in the Lord! Thank you all and it is good to be back with you all!

My Not So Little Anymore 7 Month Old!

    Evelyn is growing like a mad woman! She is probably around 21 lbs and 28 inches long. Its been a month since we have weighed or measured her! She has recently popped her first tooth and has another one out and working its way up to the other tooth! It is SO adorable to see the toothy grins now! I love it! We have started giving her various foods. Sweet potatoes, whole peas, and puffs being her favorites! I am seeing more and more that she wants to use her gums and not be fed purees. Not only is she ambitious in her eating but also in her drinking. She likes water! But out of a plain cup and not a sippy cup. As soon as I get the cup up to her mouth she gets that jaw just-a-going!

   She has and is still infatuated with her hands! I will look over and there she is waving and twisting her hands in deep, deep observation! It makes me laugh! I try to say "HI!" or "Buh-bye" whenever she starts waving those hands of hers! She sometimes gets it and other times is completely confused by it! She has been sitting up like a pro for over a month now and is starting to reach more and more for things further away from her! Not sure how long it will be when she finally learns how to reach her objective in getting to those objects! I can wait though! She is getting to be very busy! I am learning I have to be very aware of what is in reach of her as she has been known to get a hold of things she should not, like a bowl of hot soup! :-(

  My little girl is starting to become very aware of the people around her and deciding whether or not they are familiar or not! Even people that she sees often, she finds it very necessary to stare and observe them for quite some time before she can smile or chat with them! Along with sometimes being uncertain of people, she also does not like me living her in a room! She wants me make sure she is not missing out on anything, even if it is to go wash out a poopy diaper or put dishes in the sink. 

                                                                                                     Evelyn hanging out in the pool with her friends Ava & Claire

  The one thing that I treasure most with Evelyn is nursing her. I never thought I would enjoy nursing so much! In the day it is not as enjoyable as there are things that we both want to be doing! But at night, as she is drifting in and out of sleep she caresses my arm or plays with my hair, which is by far my most favorite thing! I am my mother's and grandmother's (grand)daughter.

  Evelyn just adores Samson, our beloved dog! He is the one who makes her giggle and brings her so much joy! To be honest, he has just been driving me nuts since we had Evelyn! But it warms my heart to see my little girl growing such a deep love for Samson! I pray one day that I will get to see that same joy in her eyes for the Lord! She is so in tune to what he is doing and his bark! She jumps at other dogs, even cries sometimes, when they bark. Not Brother Samson though! We call him "Brother Samson." When he chases his tail or runs outside around in a circle, that girl gets the belly giggles! 

    I hear her often in her crib bringing her legs up in the air and slamming them down on her mattress... Andy has told me many times that she does in the middle of the night as well!! Crazy girl! She also loves her walker and her exer-saucer. Her main objective is to get places! So she just gets-a-jumping! Her exer-saucer has worked its way across the dining room! It is so fun to see her be so determined in the things she does! You see much determination in her face when she does raspberries... she puts so much work into it! It is adorable! I wake up to her doing them!! Much better than crying I know! May the Lord shape her and mold her to use her determined little spirit in a way that brings him honor! 

  I love being a mom! I love everything about it! I am having to remind myself in the moments that are stressful that I am going to look back one day and say that I miss those moments... those moments she fights and fights to go to sleep... those early morning when I hear her awake, slamming her legs in her crib... So I am soaking it up as MUCH as I can! 

He Is Not Finished With Me Yet!

The last month and a half have been very burdensome for the Hentges household! To start off with, Andy has been having lots of stomach pains over that time. He originally saw a Chiropractor and was told he was allergic to gluten and yellow dye. We cut it out but he was still experiencing the same amount of pain, if not worse, so he went and saw a family doctor and was told he was allergic to gluten, corn, soy, peanuts, and sesame seeds. So we cut those out as well; still no relief. So we decided to go see an allergy specialist and after 57 pricks in the back, we came to find out that there were no food allergies but that he was allergic to cats, birch tree, household dust, grass, and ragweed. The specialist pretty much told us that he has Irritable Bowel Syndrome and something was causing it but don't know what. So we decided to see a fourth doctor! This time it was a Gastrointestinal Doctor. He had an ultrasound to check on his gull bladder, normal. He had an endoscopy to see what may be going on in the digestive tract. He found inflammation in his stomach but the biopsy came back normal. We again are left with little answers... other than he has inflammation in his stomach. He is on anti-inflammatory drugs and that seems to be helping but there is something causing this... So please pray for us as we continue to wait on God to give us relief and answers! We praise God though that there is NO CANCER!


For me, I am trying to be a wife to Andy in this stressful time, as well as a mother to Evelyn! It has been an emotional roller coaster and a very trying thing on our marriage! We have both confided in each other that this has got to be the most difficult, stressful thing we have gone through in the almost 3 years we have known each other! I do not know how people do it without a hope in Christ! How do marriages EVER work/succeed without God's sustaining Grace! I need him... EVERY HOUR! Every hour of my life I need Christ... for wisdom, for peace, for sustaining through life, for forgiveness and freedom from my flesh! Oh what a battle my flesh has been under in fighting to keep my eyes on "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Philippians 4:8 ESV) As I have had to remind myself that I was made to complete Andy and serve him to my uttermost ability! That I am responsible to care for Evelyn and teach her about my Lord and to help her to one day fix her eyes on Christ; As I have struggled to be able to seek the Lord and rest in his word! How can I adequately do it! I can't... I need HIM every hour!


The Lord has also been opening my eyes to evil and hopelessness of this world! I am seeing people trapped in sin and flesh! It is very scary when you look around and see what things are coming to! Thank you Lord for giving me victory of that and help to continue to die to myself and live for you! Beauty, money, possessions, tolerance of sin (homosexuality, sexual immorality, abortion, drunkenness), and women empowerment. The list could go on! I find myself asking myself how to a raise a child in a world where things are changing daily! Where the current tide is getting stronger and stronger! May the Lord give us strength as parents to be able to guide and lead our children through that tide towards Christ! 


I do not mean to be a downer or to drag people's spirits down... it is just that I am realizing the tasks I have at hand here! I am realizing that I can't do it! That I need Christ... that I need to hunger and thirst for his word, for righteousness! I need to grow a deeper passion for him!


I share this song with you and I pray it encourages you and spurs you on as it has me! May the Lord meet you today where you are at and carry you to and through whatever he has before you!


Lord, I Need You by Chris Tomlin

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart

Chorus:
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Verse 2:
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Bridge:
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay

My Life Changed 4 Months Ago!

I am just loving being a mom! The Lord has blessed us with such a wonderful, beautiful, content little girl! She is growing and changing all the time! All you moms out there can probably relate! It is hard to hold them and view them as perfect but yet they are far from that! I pray constantly for my little Evelyn that the Lord would be working on her little heart even now! That one day she will love him with all her heart!

Evelyn's new thing is playing with faces! She loves to touch my face and hair as I feed her and most of the time I enjoy every moment of it! It is so exciting to see her learning/discovering the world around her! 

Along with that comes the grabbing cheeks and necks and back of arms when sleepiness or frustration sets in for her! I am learning the beginning process of correction and discipline. I am learning just how heartbreaking it can be on a parent to have to reprove their child(ren). Along with that, I am confronted with my natural instinct to react without thinking rationally! It is so much easier to say and judge other parents until you are one and you realize just how difficult it all can be! May I not let my feelings get in the way! Whether it be my compassion getting in the way of my discipline or my own feelings taking charge when I need to be thinking about what is best for the current situation! I know this is only going to be more and more of a challenge and that I have only experienced a tiny bit of this role of parenting!

Evelyn is so close to sitting up on her own! She tries so hard when lying down to sit herself up!  When you sit her up she can stay up for 20-30 seconds before she starts to lean in one direction or the other before she tumbles over. I am guilty of looking away for a split second only to find her face planted. :-/ She also loves to stand but obviously she is far from doing that on her own!

e

This past week she discovered her tongue! And ever since then it tends to be out a good chunk of the time! It is really cute :-) Along with that she tries to do raspberries. She is not able to get her lips to rattle or roll so it kind of turns into her spitting every where! I was walking in a store and she was in her car seat in the cart and was attempting to do them and I felt spit from 5 feet away! I hope I never forget the focus and determination in her face when she does it! She is one dedicated little girl!

With the weather being so nice, we also tried her in the swing at the park! She seemed to like it! (It is often difficult to figure out if Evelyn truly does like something because she is not very vocal about things she likes or doesn't like) You could see her get a bit freaked out if the swing  swung too much. 

(Evelyn with her friend Asher)

Modeling Godliness to Our Daughters

“Are we models of purity to our daughters?

Are we making godly womanhood attractive to them, something they want for themselves?

How they view it begins at home, and it involves much more than the clothes we wear and the TV programs we watch.

It includes how we hand stressful seasons and how we relate to our husbands.

Everything we do reveals either a Christi-oriented heart or a self-oriented heart, and by all we do, we demonstrate to our daughters what we really believe holds value.

If we are careful to protect our hearts for Christ, we are going to be more careful of their hearts, as well.

Our choice to be faithful certainly doesn’t guarantee our daughter’s faithfulness, but we will demonstrate to them that God’s ways are always paths of peace.”

-Lydia Brownback, Purity: A Godly Woman’s Adornment

This is something I have been thinking a lot about!!! I am realizing the task that is at hand as I help to mold and shape my little Evelyn into, one day, a young woman! What will I leave imprinted on her little heart?


Is it...?

      ...worth is found in nothing other than the King!?

         ...a passion to be pure?

         ...a character with self control?

        ...a freedom from bondage of pleasing others instead of solely God?

        ...a heart and will that submits under the authority of God first and foremost but also her husband!?

Or is it...?

     ...worth found in man and the world?

       ...to care a less what she wears and says?

       ...a bondage to what the world says is "beautiful" and how others view her?

       ...a passion for lust and worldly pleasures?

It can be so overwhelming! As I know the words I say, the way I interact with Andy, the way I perceive myself and my God all are crucial into how she herself will conduct herself! We live in a world that puts such a focus on "beauty" and as women it is so easy to get caught up in that! Our daughters are watching and soaking up how we handle that! Are we commenting on how fat we feel? How much we at? That we need to work out? That our faces are getting wrinkled? Are we obsessed with how we look and what others think of us and our appearance! It is so hard to not get caught up in that! But as mothers we need to be very careful with this! We need to be bringing them up with the understanding that we are made in the image of God and that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made!" Break down the lies that media is screaming out to our little girls and bring their eyes to Christ! 

How are you treating your husband? Do you respect him? Do you debate him or argue with him in front of your children? Do you look at him in a way that cuts him down? Our girls will pick this up! They will begin to view him the same way you are showing her to! How you treat your husband will most likely affect how she will one day treat her husband! Respect him ladies! Love him! Serve him! Set the example NOW for you little girl and your boys!!

Are we worried about what other people say or think of us!? Are we trying to please man instead of God? That won't get past our daughters! They see it and they are soaking it in!

Is this 100% on us? If our daughters fall into traps is it directly our fault? No... the world is not our home and they will be affected by the passions of this world and their flesh, at times, will get the best of them! But that does not mean that God is not wanting to use us to make them into the daughters he desires them to be!

I, in no way shape or form, have this all figured out! My daughter is only 4 months old so I do not have complete wisdom in this area! And never will! But I do wish to steward the responsibility I have properly and I will continually pray for the grace, patience, and self control to set a proper example for my children!